I just read a great article by Jason Fried in the May issue of Inc. magazine entitled, “What’s Your Point?” In it he bemoans, “Nearly every company relies on the written word to woo customers. So why is most business writing so numbingly banal?’’
To that I would add, “And why is so much business writing just plain careless?”
Case in point: I’ve worked for clients who deal with magazines, schools, townships, and corporations. I try to be careful in writing, “Publishers can choose between x and y,” “Educators who sign up early will receive a discount,” “Residents who vote for this override will ensure funding,” and “Decision makers are encouraged to participate in the program.”
Maybe that’s why it’s so infuriating to receive edits that say, “Magazines can choose,” “Schools can sign up,” “Towns can vote,” and “Corporations are encouraged.” Do you see what’s happening here? Of course I know what my clients mean, but they are bestowing human qualities on inanimate objects. Fact is, I’ve never seen a magazine jump off the table to choose anything, a school to hold a pen, an entire town – sidewalks, trees, and all—to belly up to a ballot box, nor have I seen a corporate building lift off its foundation to participate.
Careless writing makes great fodder for programming like Jay Leno’s Headlines where unfortunate typos, exotic names, and poor word selection can offer a good chuckle. Of course I’m of the mind that whenever a clever double-entendre is used in a headline, it’s not an ignorant mistake. I’m convinced those headline writers are yukking it up in the back room, taking bets of whether they can get it past the editor. But I digress.
Nouns aren’t the only victim. Consider adjectives and adverbs.
We just had a good laugh in our family over a mailer that arrived saying a certain company had “lots of raving fans.” As if on cue, we all started exhibiting signs of madness. The better phrase might have been, “Customers of this company offer rave reviews.” Yes, there is a difference between foaming at the mouth and demonstrating an enthusiastic response.
One of my favorite examples is the Want Ad for “toddler teachers.” Of course we know the objective is to hire individuals who educate toddlers, but all I can imagine are very small teachers, slightly wobbly on their feet, wearing diapers and holding Sippy Cups.
In the business arena, being more careful with language can yield better results by including specifics that add value. So rather than end your letter with, “We’ll follow up next week,” a stronger phrase would be, “Joe Smith, our Business Development Director, will call you on Monday or will e-mail you the presentation after the conference” – both of which provide a name, title, timeline, and action. That phrasing communicates more completely with the prospect and gives him/her a heads up about what to expect.
Try this exercise to replace the inanimate object with a “living” word.
- Hospitals strike over wages.
- Farms milk their cows in the afternoon.
- These cars guarantee good mileage.
- Websites want you to check the boxes.
- Books expect to be read cover to cover.
Stymied? Try “hospital workers,” “farmers,” “car dealers,” “web advertisers,” and “authors.”
Maybe we impose human characteristics on inanimate objects because we’re fond of them or because we want to personalize the experience. It’s a curious trend that has little to do with intelligence – or as some might say – “colleges expect you to know this stuff when you graduate, even though they rarely teach it.” Gosh, if only they had employed professors!
Tags: business writing, Headlines, Inc. magazine, incorrect edits, Jason Fried
Categories: Business, Copywriting, Language, Reflection, Tips, Word use
