Who hasn’t had one of those moments you’d like to take back. You know the kind… when you good-naturedly say, “Your daughter is beautiful” only to find out the baby is a boy, or worse yet, “When is the baby due?” only to discover Mom’s not pregnant.
Recently I noticed a name change on an e-mail and congratulated an acquaintance on what seemed to be a marriage. She pointed out with some humor that actually, it was an “UN-marriage,” to which my only defense was brute honesty: “Well, let me take my foot out of my mouth and wish you well nonetheless.”
Finding the right words in sticky situations or writing with tact when you’d rather throw a tantrum requires discipline and finesse.
What words do you choose when:
1. Your boss or someone of authority says something completely wrong.
Help them save face but correct the information with words like these: “It’s interesting you say that; I’ve often thought so too, but I recently read about another theory.”
2. Someone takes credit for what you do.
One approach is to joke with a knowing tone and Palin wink: “Well, you must admit, you had a little help with that. Surely you can’t forget when you came in on Monday and found me sleeping at my desk after a weekend of research.”
3. You’re asked an incredibly personal question.
Recover by repeating in utter disbelief what the other person has said. That buys you time. “Does my disability affect my sex life? Gosh, I don’t know. Let me go ask my partner.”
4. You’ve just eaten the worst meal of your life when you’re asked if you enjoyed it.
As not to hurt your host’s feelings, choose words that address the experience, not the food. “It reminds me of when I was a little girl…” or … “the presentation was simply beautiful” … or “I didn’t even know you could get haggis in this part of the world!”
5. You’re asked to do an unreasonable favor.
Stand your ground, but provide a solution if possible: “I’d lend you $5,000 if I could, but right now every cent is going toward college/to pay off debt” or “I can’t drive you into the airport during rush hour, but I’ll help pay for a cab or take you to the express bus.”
What do you do when written words are expected?
1. You’ve been asked to critique your friend’s writing, and it’s abysmal.
Compliment the effort or a strong element: “I liked your description of the dog” or “the setting was very original.” Rather than say, “Your plot is a rip-off,” use words like, “The story reminds me of XYZ.” Or “This feels a lot like such-and-such author. Have you ever read his work?” Or perhaps, “Super start! Have you checked out XYZ class? I hear it’s great for new writers.”
2. A peer or someone on your staff submits an idea which is seriously flawed.
You don’t want to dash their enthusiasm, but you can’t run with it. Try words like, “I like the way you’re thinking, but you’re probably not aware of XYZ,” or “This sounds like something that would be even better for That Other Department/Project since it relates to ABC.”
3. You’re expected to do something against your principles.
Explain calmly that you understand the project and why you can’t complete it. Offer to do something else. “I appreciate your assigning me a story about my first kill, but I should tell you that I am personally against hunting. I can report on the subject, but I simply can’t participate.”
4. Your name is given as a reference without your permission.
You can’t give Sally the reference she wants, but you don’t want to crush her opportunity, so respond by using words with deeper meaning. Don’t say, “Sally is slow as molasses,” but say, “Sally is methodical in everything she does.” “Don’t say, “Joe never shows up on time,” but say, “Joe is at his best on a flexible schedule where he can conduct business on his own timeline.”
5. You’re asked to provide free writing services.
Be helpful, but don’t be used. Try words like these: “I’m flattered you think I can write grant proposals, but that really requires a different skill set.” “I’d be happy to brainstorm about your term paper, but I can’t write it for you.” “Writing a business plan is a huge undertaking. I simply don’t have the time” or, “So sorry, I’m on a ‘non-compete.’ ”
What about those rare occasions when you are speechless – such as at a surprise party or upon receiving an award? Be humble, be inclusive, be moderately brief – but relish every word!
Tags: euphemisms, people skills, tact, word choice
Categories: Language, Positioning, Public Relations, Response, Words